HORROR!!!

Why do people go to watch Horror movies if it scares the hell out of them? Is it for the adrenaline rush that makes you feel alive? Or perhaps, we all have a little misanthropic nature in us allowing us to appreciate destruction. Some even say that such self-inflicted torture is purely an attempt to numb the pain we have to live with in reality.

Since before I can remember, I have grown somewhat addicted to horror flicks. There was a point in time when I was playing GO while the background music on my computer features the voices of howls and eerie suspense. My reasons for my preference for this genre is simple. They test your threshold for fear and to conquer them is in a way gaining courage. But, of course, there are some paranoia which some people will never get over. For me, I have needles.

If you ever find me breaking a chuckle during a movie or even falling asleep, it is because I have grown so immune to the trickeries of the horror film industries or otherwise known as horror cliches. Check these out:

1. The Phone - If there is one thing horror movie killers are impressively adept at, it is planning ahead. Not to mention, their plans seem to become more and more elaborate and foolproof. They know that their victims will inevitably want to seek help thus making it almost a certainty that there will be a scene when the victim picks up the phone to discover..... someone has cut the line. Well played, slasher man..... And why is it that no one has cell phones or is conveniently in a no signal zone.
   
2. "Lets split up". Does strength in numbers mean nothing to you? We already have several missing friends and someone figured that it would help us find them faster if we split up. Yes........ maybe in hell it would.
   
3. "It probably is the wind". Yes, if someone ever made a movie about a vengeful wind.....
   
4. "I'll be back". Isn't this another way of telling you, I am going to die next? And please. If someone tells you to "Sit tight", that's tantamount to telling you to stay put till the psycho comes for you.
   
5. "Anyone there?". Maybe you were expecting him to answer, "Yes, it is your friendly neighbourhood psycho killer."
   
6. Reflections are scary. Wash your face or brush your teeth, looking down for a split second. But beware when you come back up. You will find yourself looking at the mirror and we all know something is wrong.
   
7. The Classic Car Getaway - Oh, thank goodness! The victim-to-be has made it to his/her car, gets the key inserted (after shakily trying three or four times), fires the ignition ... and griiiind. And again, griiiind. Oh, crap -- the killer's getting closer, but this auto just won't start! The killer's closer ... and closer ... and now he's at the door, reaching for the handle (or, even better, breaking the window) and ... success! The car starts, the lucky driver peels out.
   
8. Black stands out. Sad to say, if you see a Black guy on the show, you know he is almost certainly the first to get the shaft. Maybe he is the most charming and intelligent guy, or the easily going frat compandre or possibly the most physically developed, it doesn't matter. Why? We live in a cruel, cruel and unjust world.
   
9. There is NO ESCAPE!! As the script unfolds and horrific events kills one after another, body parts are flying, zombies taking over the town and still there must either be that special reason you are freaking choosing to stay. I mean if you have the option of running in the wild or hiding in the room and locking the door, you will pick to stay indoors. Yes, a lock is what will keep us safe in this case......
   
10. "Killers NEVER die". I mean NEVER. Shoot them, stab them, run them over, burn them, cut them in half and bury them. Trust me. They will find their way back to hunt you.
    
11. Killers are slow. While there is no question of their intelligence and even determination, the killers are anything but quick on their feet. They will stroll with a knife on their hand while you shriek and scramble to run. And yes, you will run and you will fall. Everyone is that clumbsy. If they get you, assuming you are the main lead, they will decide not to kill you plain straight and simply but put you in a situation which seems to be life threatening yet you will always escape.
    
12. Killers are lovers of exotic weaponry such as knives, hooks and chainsaws. Perhaps they do it for the joy of watching the fears on faces while slowly draining the life out of their victims. One can only assume that they could care less for efficiency but rather quality of a kill since a gun would be quick and simple. Bang. Bang. Game over.
    
13. Killers are like ghosts. Literally. When it is all over, the corpse of the supposedly dead killer mysteriously disappears. Yes, they may be severely hurt but they suddenly can tiptoe faster than they have been moving the whole show. Can you spell SEQUEL?

It is actually rather hilarious why we never get tired of cliches. And for you hardcore horror movie addicts, SAW V is coming out October 24th. Let's watch it together.