Buried secrets

This evening, the gloaming is punctuated by the reflection of orange and blue horizons. My heart flutters in deep anticipation. Finally, after all the sleepless nights waiting and countless days......

I never liked wearing a watch. Counting the seconds is as excruciating as strolling on fire or dancing on broken glass. Hardly anything is worth that pain. But today, I am wearing a watch.

5:06PM. 9 more minutes to go. My eyes are drawn to the diamond glitter flickering through the haze. I lay on the golden sands, take up a handful and feel them tickle through my fingers. Breathing. The salty air is heavy and refreshing. The cool wind sweeps by and caresses me softly. I close my eyes and let the serenity in.

5:10PM. My eyes open. Sitting up. From my bag, I take out my worn-out diary and flip to the last entry.

November 20th 2008

The minds of men hold dark corners, in which lurk our inner most obsessions, phobias and unutterable desires. These corners of our ego are cloaked from the ones we love lest they unearth facets beyond their conception. Indeed, we fear to probe deep within ourselves, afraid to find what skulks in these devil’s alcoves to be outside even our own reason.

They seep their poison into consciousness and constantly cry for satisfaction. Some find the strength to keep them in abeyance, below the surface, masked from all. Some will choose to be free of this burden by their own means.

Tomorrow I will find my grave. I will go to it not with fear of death itself but of what my mind will glimpse in the last moments of life.

I have witnessed great good but even more of great evil, all by great men. In the end, the evils corrupted my soul, infested and left it rotting. Deep inside, I know my life leaves regrets. Regrets feed on you, eating away till that moment when there is nothing left. This is my ever persisting losing streak. They will not go, the evil and the regrets, till I end this. Tomorrow, that moment will come.

Tomorrow, I will bury all my secrets and regrets. The concourse of my actions have left irreparable repercussions, damaged many and destroyed many lives. Nothing I can do can make it right. But tomorrow, I can stop it once and for all.

My final words as I will speak no more tomorrow.

“I am sorry. For everything.”

5:15PM. Book closed. I bury it in the sands. Standing up. I look at the raging waves welcoming me. A smile breaks out as I go and embrace their welcome.

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“Today at 6:45PM, a body has been found in the Marina Bay. The body was washed up to shore by the waves and discovered by a passerby. The body has been identified as Peter Walker. Walker has been seeing the headlines lately following police investigations suspecting him of being involved in a number of missing person cases. However, the police lacked sufficient evidence for prosecution.

After a sweep of the area, the police has recovered a diary believed to belong to Walker. When asked about the diary’s contents, the police has refused to comment.

The police has ruled Walker’s death as suicide with no cause for suspicion otherwise and his diary has been entered into evidence.

Hopefully, he has left us with some hope. ”